I don't know, sometimes when I look inward I feel extremely old, like I've literally been around forever, or at least long enough that there's no end (i.e. beginning) in sight. And sometimes when I'm connected to my emotional self I feel like I'm chalk full of experience, like a huge mind just full of countless experiences to draw upon, like half the experience-terrain of humanity, and my emotional disposition feels so real, deep and stark, like if only people outside me could perceive it, I would be held by everyone who meets me in high regard. Sometimes when I'm half-asleep I feel there's so much to me that I'd have a lot to offer if things were different somehow.

But I also seem to notice some immature streaks in me though, like I'm *unusually*, extraordinarily immature in some ways. I don't know if they're adjustments to an unfortunate and extreme situation I've been put in in this life--for example it could be an outcome of having been forced into the situation of feeling like I'm a really small person--or if they're things carried over from past lives.

I feel like I'm kind of a contradiction, maybe an old soul and a young soul, or maybe a great soul and a demon, put into the same body.

Hmm, that reminds me of a quote I saw recently: "Only when you are looking from awake awareness can you see that what you took to be a solid self is a flurry of changing content arising within your mind." -Loch Kelly, Shift Into Freedom